Thursday, June 6, 2013

How ESPN Killed Tim Tebow's Career

By W.T. Salisbury M.D.

Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow is currently in the process of washing out of the NFL, and if you're one of those people who can't stand him, you have ESPN to thank.

The mothership went out of it's way to push the "Tebow angle" because they thrive on beating a dead horse, reviving it, and beating it again.

It's no secret that personalities were instructed to mention Tebow as often as possible. Former ESPN college basketball analyst and current CBS punching bag Doug Gottlieb mentioned this fact a while back on The Dan Patrick Show.

I was told specifically, 'You can't talk enough Tebow.' I would jokingly throw it into a segment. 'I gotta find 15 seconds here to talk about Tebow, all right let's move on and talk about Major League Baseball.'

And this is what ESPN does now. Rather than report the news they attempt to create it in the most haphazard of manners.

What the actual story consists of is inconsequential. Whether it's Brett Favre coming out of retirement, anything someone like Tebow or LeBron James says, or a big upcoming event they're broadcasting, ESPN loves to jam it down our throats until we finally say, "Man, this must be a big deal".

Tebow in particular has been the goose that lays the golden egg. The trouble is, rather than let the eggs come when they're ready ESPN decided to scream in the goose's ear to goad it along.

"I want to control the news cycle NOW!"

Eventually, the poor beast became so stressed out by these fools that it couldn't lay any eggs at all.

Having no alternatives, they killed, cooked and carved the bird devouring it whole only to move on to the next unlucky fowl.

If it wasn't clear, Tim Tebow is the goose in this scenario.

Certainly, the fact that Tim Tebow isn't a very good quarterback is also a factor in his being blackballed. But he's at least as capable as a host of second and third string backups throughout the NFL.

Most young guys with raw talent and a flawed throwing motion would get a chance to naturally develop behind a more polished veteran. For example, Philip Rivers throws a football like I discard an empty beer can but he's now a veteran Pro Bowler.

Sometimes patience pays off, sometimes it doesn't. Backups wash out all the time—even former first round draft picks—but rarely do they receive attention like this.

ESPN went out of their way to constantly bombard us with Tebow coverage, even injecting him into unrelated stories. They oversaturated the market with Tebow nonsense to such an extent that he became a "circus" and too big of a "risk" for teams to consider bringing him on board.

Now, ESPN has the gall to report on how he can't find a job as a free agent because of this "circus" that their very network had a significant role in creating.

Tim Tebow minding his own business. HOW DARE HE?!

It's the worst kind of non-journalism. ESPN doesn't report the news, they make it. It's manufactured in a gleaming, high-definition studio trimmed with neon backlights and greed all quaintly nestled in rural Connecticut.  

Nothing Tebow does on his own really stirs up controversy that isn't created by the media.

Does he talk about his religion? Yeah, but only when he's asked about it. He doesn't go out of his way to mention it when being asked football questions.

Even if he does bring it up, it's to thank his Lord and savior for his blessings which seemingly every marginal athlete does when interviewed postgame.

Again, he is flawed as a player even though he has the intangibles of "heart"and "toughness" which every hack of a general manager and hard-nosed coach claims to want in a player.

Truth is, they don't know what they want. You hear people whispering with increasing volume that Tebow will have to change positions to stay in the league.

Right. That makes sense.

Because I'm sure a former quarterback drafted in the first round will draw far less attention as a back-up tight end. No way SportsCenter would play that story on loop 24/7.

These people are incompetent boobs of the first order.

The NFL won't make a move because of the feared media distraction and ESPN won't shut up about the media distraction even though THEY ARE THE DISTRACTION.

Coming up on SportsCenter, can Ouroboros perform in the clutch? Stephen A. Smith will scream at you about it...

ESPN has become Ouroboros, the mythical serpent that eats its own tail. It is a neverending cycle of fake arguments and hot air that tries in vain to re-create itself but succeeds only in driving the wedge further between viewers and their programming.

One can only hope the monster finally does devour itself, if not for Tim Tebow's sake, than for the sanity of all.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Cover Tuesday: Celluloid Loves Got A John Frusciante

Full disclosure, I have a soft spot for the Bee Gees. I obtained some kind of greatest hits compilation as a child on cassette tape and while disco music is generally detestable, I found a lot of their songs to be quite good.

"How Deep Is Your Love" would have to be up there as far as the group's best work is concerned.

It's a song that transcends the perception that many people have of the Bee Gees as the disposable soundtrack of the seventies. They should be known for more than being the soundtrack for John Travolta and that terrible Sgt. Pepper's movie they made.

This is a very touching song and this rendition by the Red Hot Chili Peppers' John Frusciante is stark and lovely. Also, you can't miss Flea performing a bizarre take on "If You're Happy and You Know It" during the first five seconds.

Next is a rather hilarious version of Elton John's classic "Tiny Dancer" as interpreted by rocker and sometimes comedian Dave Grohl.

This performance comes from the now thankfully defunct Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn–current host Craig Ferguson is infinitely funnier. Dave appears to have just wandered in off the street, not even bothering to spit out his chewing gum before leading the crowd in a rousing rendition of this cut.

This isn't a cover, but it is awesome. As if you needed more reasons to love Dave Grohl, here he is teaching Tenacious D's Kyle Gass how to write a hit. 


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